patienceWhat could I possibly have been thinking? I think that one of the angels was sitting up there in heaven logging all the new years resolutions for future reference and he heard me say - I am so sorry I have been impatient, I will learn how to be patient in all aspects of my life.....and then he laughed so hard he fell off his cloud. He called God over, they both had a great chuckle at my expense, and then decided to mess with my head by pushing me to the absolute limits to see if I would crack!
n 1: good-natured tolerance of delay or incompetence [syn: forbearance,
longanimity] [ant: impatience]
2: a card game played by one person [syn: solitaire]
Examples so far:
1) I am a clerk. This essentially means I know more than the average Joe, but way less than the average doctor. So every day I feel pretty stupid. I have flashes of brilliant but most of the time I am like a deer in the headlights. And when everything is new you spend a ridiculous amount of time learning simple things like - how to write orders, how to admit a patient, how to dose gravol and how to write a referral! This would seem simple enough, shouldn't require all the much patience, someone will just tell you right? Nope. I go to McMaster. No one will tell me anything. I have to figure it out myself. I have to look it up, try it out, get told I'm wrong, do it over, get told its not horrible, do it over, and then get told its not bad. And granted, I remember it all very well in the end, but man when you have been at the hospital for 13 hours and you are tired and hungry you really start to wish that someone would just tell you the answers!!!
2) Small town living. Now I hate to harp on this, cause I do love the country, but I have become horribly accustomed to the city. I can't figure out where to find anything here. Where do you find envelopes? There's no Staples/Business Depot! They weren't at the grocery store, or the hallmark store, finally I found some at Saan but they weren't really the kind I wanted. And nail polish remover...I have yet to find. I could waste a whole day contemplating where I could try to find blank cds for the grant application I have to send in next week!
3) I have no time. When I'm on vacation I have all the time in the world to be laid back and patient, but these days I have learned what its like to work all day without a break to even pee! There is way more homework than I anticipated for family medicine, and my preceptor likes to assign extra stuff on top of that. So by the time I get home, cook dinner, check in with some friends online to see if everyone survived their day, do my homework, and maybe even have a shower...it is past midnight. If I hear one more person say - oh why didn't you get out skiing yesterday? I might go postal.
4) The laundry room here has assigned times for each apartment to use the washer and dryer...I don't feel that I need to elaborate on why this tests my patience.
However, I must say that I have the best friends and supports in the world. They constantly send me sweet messages and emails telling me that I'll be fabulous and that they miss me :) They point out when I'm being crazy and when I'm actually rational. Calm me down when I am crying about the first time I was asked to prescribe a medical abortion. Suggest ways that I could run away and hide out from the banks if I should choose to blow this popsicle stand. Help me find a new mantra for life (which incidentally is - Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished). Tease me about my love of the Ottawa Senators. Send me pictures of tree climbing. Call me, just to say hello in person. And just generally make me smile.
So to all those people who have been keeping me grounded - Thank you.
Lots of love
Pamela
Dearest Pamela
ReplyDeleteSee - I have been reading your blogs and taking them to heart;)
I would happily send you nail polish remover, but somehow I don't think Canada Post would like that... You know, this is the very first time I have heard you complain, publicly, about the hard work and long hours, so I think you have already been very, very patient. It is a really hard job you've taken on, but I know that you already make a difference in the lives of lots of people. Thank you for sharing yourself! You know where your strength comes from... hang in there!
lots of love
m
PS I shall fill your freezer with chocolate chip cookies when I come to visit!
ditto for the former comment (except for the choclate chip cookies)
ReplyDeleteJust remember Gammie's prayer for patience - Oh Lord give me patience - RIGHT NOW! Saying it sometimes take a pause and take a breath at least.
nail polish remover - try the pharmacy?? maybe they have envelopes too??
so you are a long way away from campus but within reach of the preceptor cum mentor cum task master eh. But think of how smart you will be after this experience.
But where would you be without e-mails, blogs, MSN and the odd phone call to keep you in touch with the wide wide world and those who really care about you and pray for the best for you.
But above it all you know that we all consider you special and know that in your small way you are already making a difference in the world and I'm sure that your patients appreciate the help that you give them. Besides which one must keep in mind that this is all just character building anyway and a rite of passage that each and every clerk has the pleasure of passing through. (remember Dr. F has his trials too in intensive care as an emersion into medicine).
I know that some day you will look back on these days with fond memories, perhaps shed a tear about the hard times but definitely chuckle about the hilarious moments.
Keep on truck'n - you can do it kid.