I was minding my own business in my apartment this evening, basking in the glory of vacation (more to come on the end of peds and the start of vacation in a later post) and feeling quite good about myself....when it happened. It was horrific. I walked into my room to go to bed, flicked on the light, flopped across the bed in my usual a-la-4-year-old-dramatic-fashion.....and came face to face with the daddy-long-legs that was sitting on my pillow.
ON MY PILLOW!
I think we can all agree that the fact that I am still breathing and capable of stopping my hands from shaking long enough to write this post - is truly amazing.
Let me repeat this - there was a huge spider on my pillow. Not just in my room. Or on the wall. Or driving me insane by hiding behind my toilet - it was literally sitting on my pillow. How can I be expected to deal with stuff like this?! Blood - fine. Vomit - I am learning to be ok with. But spiders?! I will never be ok with spiders. This 'taking care of myself' business has gone on long enough!
JOB POSTING
Now hiring - One House-Husband
Duties include (but are not limited to):
- washing all dishes
- killing all spiders, and any other bugs that I choose to be afraid of
- dealing with the landlord
- helping me find my watch when I lose it daily
- reminding me to pay my visa bill on time
- watering the flowers outside my door that are somehow under 4 inches of eave which prevents them from ever getting rain
- back rubs when I have to stand all day at work
Benefit package includes:
- gourmet meals
- access to all my episodes of Grey's Anatomy
- use of Sparky (my car) *407 transponder included!
- use of my mountain bike (as yet to be named...if you are an excellent husband I will let you name the bike)
- no rent, no utilities
- access to, and consumption of, the growing liquor collection
- free crappy medical advice
- monetary stipend (in the amount of what the OMA gives me each month to pretend that I'm not overworked and undercompensated as a medical student)
- unlimited hugs and kisses
- my undying love and devotion
Applications will be accepted via the following routes:
Reply to this post, emails, phonecalls, telegrams (do they send those anymore?) and notes attached to bouquets of flowers delivered to my apartment.
Lots of love
Pamela
Currently reading: the back covers of the STACK of books I have set aside for vacation....in a feeble effort to choose where to start
Currently listening to: the sweet sweet sound of nothing
Countdown to Vegas: 5 sleeps!
Did you say Daddy Longlegs? aka harvester? Huummm.... not a spider I'm afraid, Miss Muffet!
ReplyDeleteHuummmm - he's beneficial cause he eats other things you might not really want in your bed...or apt!
i would love to apply for the job. the only thing i would really have trouble with are the spiders....can we just contract out for that?
ReplyDeleteI understand that med students tend to go a little buggy from time to time thus arachniphobia is but a mere subset of the overall condition. I'm sure that the condition is treatable but one should not be found checking out the ceiling and the corners of the walls while lying on the couch.
ReplyDeleteMolly Maid may provide temporary relief.
Mandy, I'll deal with the spiders, if you split the gourmet meals with me!
ReplyDeletePam, you're probably wondering why you've had no serious replies to your ad. The answer is simple, "access to all my episodes of Grey's Anatomy." You're scaring the customer away before they even finish reading the ad. Try changing that line to, "access to all my episodes of Family Guy," and I guarantee you'll be a hit.
Marc
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