freedom?!

I am finally done surgery. I thought I would breathe a big sigh of relief and dance off into the sunset, but this past week hasn't exactly gone how I imagined. I did perform a minor happy dance in the hallway of the hospital in front of my residents as I boasted - "I'm done the oral exam, I'm done the written exam, I'm done surgery which means I'm essentially done clerkship!" But then a funny thing happened. I stopped dead in my tracks as a wave of panic rushed over me, and my residents all started to chuckle as I said - "oh my god, I'm not ready to be a doctor yet! Who let me finish clerkship?!"

You hear sometimes about prisoners who are set free, and then wish that they were back in captivity. I always thought that was a pretty crazy reaction. Who doesn't revel in the joy of being free? Well I have news for you - med students are crazy! I have tried twice now to take back my parking lot transponder and my pager, and I just can't do it. I'm not ready to stop being #3648. I'm not ready to give up my all hours access to the hospital. I am so used to being a clinical clerk that I've started accidentally signing 'CC' (the designation for clinical clerk) on cheques and visa slips.

So on Monday I trotted off to my new elective in Rheumatology, feeling a bit down about the clerkship situation, but sure that this week would be easy as pie. NOT! Evidently there is a LOT I don't know about rheumatology. I'm pretty sure they thought I was a moron on the first day, so consequently my week of relaxation has turned into a week of studying. This was not in my ill-planned schedule because this week was also supposed to be set aside for finishing residency applications! In the midst of all this hubbub I also registered to write my licencing exam (ACK!) which involved getting passport photos certified, a copy of my birth certificate certified, and I think I may still owe a sacrifice at some alter somewhere in order to complete the process of proving that I am who I say I am, and that I am worthy of writing this very long and terrifying exam in May.

And then....my grad photos came in. The most outward sign possible that I have to stop being a clerk, pull up my socks, walk across that stage, and accept my new title. It's two little letters...but boy are they scary.

The only thing keeping me together now is singing the soundtrack of Wicked at the top of my lungs...and let me tell you - you get some funny looks in traffic when you are singing to yourself.

Lots of love
Pamela

Currently listening to: Wicked (I thought I made that clear already!)
Currently reading: Clinical Primer of Rheumatology, and then Fifth Business on the side
Countdown to Graduation: 169 days