Ah....my own bed

Well, for a while there I didn't think I was going to make it...but I'm finally home.

I think that perhaps Thunder Bay and all its psych patients knew I was leaving this week....and decided to all have one last freak out before I left. Sort of like a little 'Bon Voyage' type present - let's all go nuts, and come to the hospital to see Pamela. On wednesday we (being my supervisor and myself) saw about 8 people in Emerg, and 6 more on the wards. And not simple stuff either - no sweet little old woman who's husband died and is now depressed. No no - this had to be a man in a total Folie A Deux with his wife who are both delusional about magnetic fields and who won't believe there is something wrong with his prostate (plus is stone deaf...so so SO easy to take a history from someone who can't hear you!). Or the lady who has likely had a stroke and now wanders on the highway and doesn't remember who her daughter is. People like this present quite an interesting challenge - how do you reason with someone who has lost touch with reality?!?!

There were also some really funny moments over the last couple of weeks - like the man who needed his ears syringed (I think the sounds of flushing water were a bit too much for someone who already hears voices). Or the man who drinks Purel hand sanitizer (to get the alcohol) and wanders around the ward singing songs he makes up about how he hates the hospital, and when smoke time is!!!

The best part of this week though, is the fact that it is done :) I am home home home home home HOME. I was thinking about why I have been so homesick during my drive (and let me tell you, I had 2 days and 16 hours worth of driving to think about things!) and it occured to me that I have been away for 6 out of the last 9 months. That's crazy talk! How did this happen? How did I go from timid little homebody Pamela to world traveller and adventurer?

I have some theories...none of them particularly flattering...but the most likely candidate is that this has been my grownup attempt at running away. Remember when you were young and you would get ticked off at the world and how unfair it was, pack a bag, make a snack, head out on the road (or to the back field as the case may be) and wait for someone to realise they missed you and come find you? Oh wait, maybe that was just me :P In any case...this year I packed up my bags, stepped outside my box, figured that I was pretty well guaranteed a good time while I was away, and hoped that people might notice I was gone. Completely immature, I know. But there you go. Does it ever scare you that your future doctors puddle jump and run away when grumpy?!?! So now that I'm at the end of all this running away...how do I feel?

I have never felt so loved in my life. I have never been so confident that I entered the right career. I have never felt so set in my faith. And I have never been so tired :)

To all those who have helped me survive this year, these placements, this soul searching adventure, the lonely times, the crazy times, and most importantly the times without meat - you are wonderful. I feel so blessed. All the time and money and kms and long distance phone calls were worth it to get to this point in my journey. Home.

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."

Lots of love
Pamela

Currently reading: On Call (gah...I start Internal Medicine on Monday)
Days without meat: 33
Fish: 7 times
Organ meats: sadly yes...though I won't get that desperate again
Days to go: 14